Struggle: A Friday and A Saturday

Saturday- Spoke to friends today of some of my troubles, and what I'm going to be doing about them. Change is in the air- I'm writing a lot, and that usually happens in times of transition, where I'm changing gears, or trying to- my poetry often comes out of the clash between the old world dying and the new world being born, emerging out of the carcass of the old, or words to that effect anyway.


Friday- got really depressed- I hit rock bottom as I was heading home from work in the cold cold rain under a darkening grey sky. The ache in me was becoming unbearable.

It had been a difficult week- depressing weather and a tense roomate situation. I ended up speaking to a social worker at the nearby CLSC- I first sought out that service after the shootings at Dawson. I just needed to talk to someone, and I didn't feel ready to talk to any of my friends about it.

It turned out I wasn't in as bad shape as I feared. As I talked I became animated about things that exited me, and I even started cracking jokes! And I realized that although there's a melancholic streak in me, there's also a love for life in me that's vibrant and creative. When the social worker said, in effect "So.... you're not going to commit suicide or anything?" I told her that I've never wanted to, not even in my lowest moments (which is true) and even pronounced an enthusiastic ode to life: "I want to live! I believe there's so much there, it has so much to offer, and I want what it has to offer."

So I know I have what it takes to get through this rough patch.