One thing I’m realizing yet again is that I can be greatly affected by watching movies or even television- getting a barrage of sound and visual impressions.

Last night, I went to a film series where I saw a movie about Archbishop Romero, which confronted my senses with the vivid impressions of a country in a state of tension escalating into terror. A situation where psychotic cruelty was pressed into the service of preserving wealth and power. An impression of life lived knowing that at any time you could be gunned down, or worse yet, be dragged off, tortured and gruesomely killed.

Having recently been on the margins of an event of psychotic cruelty bursting in to hurt and destroy, I felt those old feelings of high tension come flooding back from last September 13. But there were also feelings of rage at those responsible for such atrocities. If at that moment I could have had revenge on them all somehow, I believe I would have.

There’s inspiration to be gained in looking at a life- and death- like Romero’s, but that also confronts me with unanswerable questions, like what I would do in that situation.

I still feel very tense and highly scattered. I think "haunted" is the word, actually.